Are you speaking up for yourself - your ideas, your rights, your wishes?
Mar 19, 2024
I just came back from spending a few days with my elderly mother and a topic we talked about A LOT was how to speak up for yourself.
The reason was that we had a topic to discuss within the family where different interests and opinions had led to disagreements - not on the surface, but behind people's backs.
We agreed to come together to discuss the said issue and to give everybody the chance to voice their opinion openly.
One person decided NOT to show up. Despite being unhappy about the previous agreement in the matter.
Maybe that sounds familiar:
- Not giving your perspective in a meeting - particularly when it was controversial
- Saying clearly when feeling treated unjustly - not getting the promotion or salary increase or the prestige project
- Voicing when someone hurt our feelings (a tricky one in a world where a lot of people are friggin insulted by everything…I'm talking about when the other person really treats us like sh*t, says something sexiest etc.).
- Not having the difficult conversation that could clear the air
So WHY don't we take the opportunity to speak up when we could?
Here are my conclusions:
*Fear
We never know what's going to happen when we voice our opinion or our wishes - or even demands. And the reaction of others might be something we are afraid of. Can I deal with another person's anger, frustration or hurt? What will be the consequences - for my job or a relationship.
* People pleasing.
So many of us grew up to the "good girl/boy" and we learned that if we do what other people like/want, they are going to appreciate us…or even love us. So people try to make things right for everyone. Suffice it to say - that never works. The only result: resentment. For self ( because we know intuitively that it would be better to stand up for ourselves) and for others as they don't read our minds or supposedly push us into situations we don't like.
* I don't deserve it
Some people feel on a deep level that their wishes/demands or opinions are not worth being heard or they don't deserve what they really wish for. That can show up in salary negotiations (we might not have) or relationships where we don't voice our requirements as subconsciously we believe it's not our right to get them fulfilled.
So - now the question is: HOW THE HECK CAN I GET TO SPEAK UP FOR MYSELF?
For me, the keys are developing a solid SELF-CONFIDENCE which tends to lead to more COURAGE and COMPASSION - with self and others - all of which make it far easier to speak up.
It's a process which is not covered by a few "conversation techniques" or some nicely formulated sentences. It goes deeper (dang) and takes having a good look at ourselves.
Easy? Nope. But very worth it.
How have you learned to speak up for yourself?
PS: I'm Claudia and support leaders to become the powerful and authentic person who enjoys success with joy instead of exhaustion. Let's chat if that's something you're looking for.
