Watch & Read - For Leaders Who Dare To Be Human&Real
Last week I practised letting go. BIG TIME. And it took me a LONG time to get to it. But before I tell you about that let me take a step back and start the story a tad earlier.
If I learned one thing during my childhood, it was loyalty. And as a woman to be the one who lives it, triggers it, makes sure it happens.
* Regardless of how bad the situation.
* Regardless of how much people crossed boundaries.
* Regardless of how tough a situation might be.
* Regardless of how useless things were.
Don't get me wrong: Loyalty is a great trait.
It helps in relationships - not dropping the person at the first sign of difficulty or non-alignment.
It helps in the career to fighting through issues and uncomfortable situations. And can result in more confidence in self and a more conscious career path.
It's environmentally friendly as it means holding on to things longer and not fall into the mindless consumption trap.
When we talk about relationships, most people take a look at their outside world.
The relationships with our loved ones.
The relationships with colleagues.
The relationship with friends....you name it.
And so they put their effort into developing, building or restoring these relationships.
What many overlook though, is the first step:
Developing a relationship with themselves.
What I mean by that is not just taking care of ourselves - the infamous self-care.
I'm rather talking about taking time to
- look inside
- get to know oneself on a deep(er) level
- own and take care of our own fears & insecurities
- notice and manage our emotions and mental chatter
- becoming aware of our patterns and beliefs
- connecting with who we really are underneath all the social conditioning
...in summary: Doing the inner work, becoming authentic and building a relationship with self.
So that we can have compassion, love, understanding and patience with ourselves that we show others....instead of beating...
In the past, when people shouted at me, shut down, or were getting very defensive, I got really furious. Or frustrated. And took it personally. Almost always.
And believed that there was absolutely no reason for their behaviour.
What I simply couldn't see back then was THAT EVERY PERSON HAS THEIR OWN STRUGGLES.
Maybe the colleague (or your partner at home) has experienced things that traumatized them, or it might be a childhood trauma that still sticks with them. Maybe they had or have a difficult situation that now triggers habitual responses.
Which makes them less attentive. Less focused and maybe even absent-minded. Or even rude, dismissive or aggressive in a conversation or interaction.
"Not my problem", you could say.
And yes, in a way, you're right.
While it's not your responsibility how someone reacts, it could impact your relationship drastically.
Whatever it is - a be a big deal for the other person, or maybe it's just an emotional...
Superficial small talk does not build relationships. That is valid for the business world too.
You might believe deeper relationships are unnecessary in business - after all colleagues might not be your friends.
They might not be - that's not the point here.
Deeper relationships WILL create different results (more of that at the end of the post) - for ALL parties involved! So, worth giving it a go.
Many leaders are guilty of asking those dreaded, one-dimensional questions that lead nowhere beyond the small talk instead of asking intriguing questions that trigger deeper conversations.
How can you do that?
Focus on the other person.
Everyone wants to be seen and heard.
Even the ones who consider themselves humble, self-less, or give themselves the label of being introverts.
So, here's a suggestion for 9 very different questions to knock your next business meeting out of the park.
Some are really BIG.
Don't be afraid or shy though to ask them.
Most people LOVE to...
In a relationship - be it in business or privately, we often take the eyes off this "we're building a future together that we're both enjoy" - even if it sucks today.
While we're busy being angry, frustrated, or annoyed at someone, particularly in business - despite striving for collaboration and progress - it's actually easy to forget (or not even define) what success means for all participants and the organisation.
Or we start blaming someone for the unwanted situation!
1. Stop judging the other person-
THE FASTER WE JUDGE THE OTHER PERSON, THE QUICKER THE RELATIONSHIP GOES INTO DESPAIR.
I know, I know, easier said than done. If we pay attention to our own desire or habit to judge we can stop it. And become curious. Might not work all the time - but it's a great start to be aware and give it a go. With practice, it will work more regularly - promised.
2. Remember that the energy in a...
The end of the year is always a good possibility to reflect & review. I went a bit further back - not just one year, which in all fairness also has to do with the fact that I put together a course about this immensely important topic.
Communication is complex and I keep learning, understanding and feeling what holds us together as human beings, what creates the glue and which is the basis for connection and collaboration.
So here's what I found in the last decades, condensed in 29 points. I hope that serves you.
Last week my 24-year-old son came to me telling me that his computer was causing a lot of trouble and he required help from me.
Which in the end - GASP - I refused to give.
Here's why and what that has to do with the monkey trap.
I've been a single mum for a long time - so I was the one my children came to for support for basically anything.
I was the rock.
The one who knows where everything is.
Useful when the kids are small(er).
Eventually, this can become rather a hindrance for both parties - I'll come to the WHY in a moment.
But let me tell you the story first.
Obviously, the OS (operating system) was compromised, and he wanted me to download a version of it onto my computer and give it to him on a USB stick. No problem.
It quickly turned out though that I did not have the right stick, so he went and bought another one, only to find out that it was not t just a simple download, but a major act of producing a...
It looks like we won't get rid of the Corona situation and the consequences any time soon. Part of it is that many people still work remotely, some work in the office while keeping distance, some do both.
That creates its own challenges. And even more so when you're a leader in another country than your home country - in other words, if you are an expat. Or if you start new in an organisation during these times and desire to get to know and align your team.
So, now I've recently started - together with a befriended leadership coach - a Meetup group in the Munich area, particularly (but not exclusively) for Expat Leaders. And this was exactly the topic we discussed in our very first Meetup event on September 4th.
Here's the video which we recorded to make the information accessible for more people and we discussed these issues:
* Keeping communication and coordination of work up
* Little informal time to chat
* People spread out
* Feeling of...