Are you being authentic?

Well, good question, right? 

In November last year, I held training for more than a hundred leaders about Psychological Safety and Unconscious Bias - and one of the signs of a psychologically safe environment is that people can be "themselves" - show themselves authentically.

Now - in a session, one of the ladies said: " I don't think that it is wise for me to be authentic - otherwise I'd shout at people, maybe take my bad mood out on them or become really impatient - because that's me."

Is it though?

That brought us to what authenticity is. 

The definition of authenticity

As with (almost) everything, authenticity can be defined in many ways.

 So let me talk for a second about what I believe, it's NOT:

• Always saying everything aloud that springs to mind without any filter (which could simply be a check-in with self)
• Following every emotion and impulse that comes up inside and having this reflected in your behaviour
• Sharing everything with everybody

Now to what my definition of authenticity is:

• Aligning our inner world with our outer world - meaning, no hiding or pretending of parts of us, and the art of being real or true to our values, wishes & emotions (the latter not to confuse with following every emotion coming up) and living, leading and acting accordingly, even if it's not popular, controversy or doesn't please others. 

 In detail, that means:

• Being able to feel our emotions - like anger, frustration, sadness but also joy and happiness and to express them (appropriately) without sugarcoating them due to embarrassment or the fear of not being liked or not being taken seriously anymore (the good, the bad, the ugly)
• Daring to speak up for our opinions and values on all levels of hierarchy even if they differ from the majority or the superior
• Speaking truthfully with others (without being an arsehole) when giving feedback
• Being able to ask "dumb" questions (and not pretending I know everything) or saying "I don't know" when we don't.

WHY is that even important?

The short answer: Living and leading becomes easier, lighter and more joyful. 

Because being authentic gives us guidance, direction and an incredible level of inner peace and calm - particularly in uncertain times like now. 

And: Authentic people tend to be FAR more self-confident.

And thus end up in the careers, relationships and environments that suit them. And don't waste years of their life pretending to be someone they're not. 

The longer answer: 

During my cocooning time in the last couple of months, while watching what is going on in the world, it became clearer to me each day that many people are confused, overwhelmed and worried.

The level of uncertainty has increased massively - regarding politics, economics - maybe even the future of humankind?! 

AI is getting more and more important - for now mainly in the business world, but we're also seeing it creeping into our private life  - I even asked AI to give me a rundown of what party would be best for me to vote (at the election in Germany last Sunday) according to my values and wishes. 

There are tendencies to take away or reduce the rights women have fought for for many years.

Attitudes and political tendencies are getting more and more extreme, the middle ground seems to disappear.

"Old" systems are being questioned (and quite rightly so).

Opinions are stronger and more opposing than ever, people in politics and partly in business, have become crueller, more disrespectful or rude. 

Nobody is an island. 

And we're ALL being influenced by what is going on around us - some more, some less. 

So it's quite natural that questions and thoughts like this might come up:

• What can I still rely on? 
• What's the truth, and what isn't?
• How can I make sure to make decisions which are good for me (and others)?
• Am I still on the right path and in the right career and how the heck will all of what's going on affect my job and life?
• Is chasing achievements still the "right" thing to do? I feel that I "have to",  not to be "left behind" - but it's exhausting.
• It's tiring to constantly show an agreeable smile and strength (and not letting what others say affect me) while being angry, insecure or doubtful of myself inside.

Authenticity is important for everybody - but even more so for leaders as they're role models for others. 

And I find that in turbulent times people look out for those. 

The BIG challenge

Here comes the disclaimer (or call it challenge). 

People can only be authentic  PROVIDED they have clarity about who they truly are on the inside. 

If they know their values, desires, and wishes, and feel their emotions. 

INTERESTING FACT: Quite a few high-ranking people I worked with could NOT immediately name the above (or even knew what they felt) when being asked. OR they gave me a rehearsed answer - superficial "that's-what-I-was-taught-to-believe-is-important" ones, and when we dug a bit deeper, VERY different answers emerged. 

How is that for you?

Now...

HOW do you know you're not being authentic?

That's quite easy.

If you often feel tension and eventually exhaustion while saying or doing something or behaving in a certain way, there is a likelihood that it's not aligned with yourself. 

If you feel you're "playing a part or a role", i.e. pretending to be the strong, invincible one with others while feeling insecure or doubting yourself inside. Secretly being the key word. 

So - ARE you being authentic?

I wasn't for the longer part of my life. 

And it was quite a journey to get there (not that old patterns never show up from time to time - like people pleasing and holding back my thoughts when it counts (still valid to pick our battles - that still works while being authentic ;-)).

Want to learn how to be more authentic and aligned with yourself?

And it takes a LOT of courage to stay that way.

Because sometimes it means pissing off people (pardon my directness) or even hurting them, and sometimes it means that someone will turn away from you or not like you anymore when you stand up for your values. 

Most of the time though I have noticed that others respect people who show up authentically as they intuitively know that they are REAL and can be trusted. Even if they don't like what they hear. 

So - once again: HOW authentic are you really?

Worth contemplating.

For now, have a great rest of the week.

PS: Want to learn how to be more authentic and aligned with yourself? I'm happy to support you in the process. Simply send a quick note to [email protected] and let's chat. 

PPS: I give away 3 FREE 45 min sessions for a self-confidence boost (the start of becoming "unfuckwithable") and giving you a way of how to access to who you really are (beyond all the superficial stuff - part of it your own (wrong) beliefs)- simply CLICK HERE to schedule - can't wait to hear from you.