The Scary Side of Uncomfortable Change - And How To Deal With It

Tell me something my friend – are you happy in this world – or do you need more, is there something you’re searching for? Something you're longing to change?

This is (almost) the line from a song I fell in love with while listening to it the other day (Shallow from the movie "A Star is Born").

And it resonated with me and triggered a number of thoughts. 

There might just be this little feeling creeping up from time to time that despite things are (kind of) good and still, something’s not quite right. There might be this deep seated longing to change something and we might not allow it to come up or we simply ignore it as it could make our life really difficult.

It’s so tempting to just go through the motions and to not look closely if there has been a void developing - in our job, in our relationship, in our life.

And also tempting to rather avoid it and fill it with lots of work, entertainment, excessive gaming, sport, sex  - you name it -, busyness or worse addictions like alcohol or other drugs.

Our world and our circumstances have the tendency to change throughout our life-time. For some really fast, for others a bit slower, to the point where we might not even recognize how many things have changed.

And only if we take time for ourselves – which hardly ever happens for a lot of us in this crazy fast and super busy world – we might really feel this feeling.

And even if we do - it takes quite a lot to really change. Ourselves or something in our life. Unless the pain isn’t constant or throws us into a major crisis, we have a tendency to just get on with things and potentially ignore the nudges.

A call for listening....to yourself

Those crises can be anything that has the potential to be life or career changing.

We got fired.

Our relationship  - or we ourselves - are on the brink of falling apart.

Someone important to us dies.

Too drastic? Nope. As for many of those it requires those wake-up calls to act.

Wow – she’s a bit doom and gloom today…you might think.

Nope – not really.

Just thoughtful. As I’m in a situation where some things in my life will change too. In the beginning it is painful to look at those feelings. And also for me the desire to avoid those unwanted feelings is huge.

Numbing or avoiding though is not an option for me anymore.

So, this is rather to encourage you to dare looking closely at your life and a call for listening to what you’re really longing for, somewhere deep inside, those things your heart already knows and the mind is a bit behind in acknowledging it.

Things which might have been bubbling to the surface more than once. The changes we know are necessary.

Even if it is scary. As we never really know what’s coming afterwards.

How to address the scary stuff

Addressing our pain and following our inner voice will ultimately push us forward.

So, this is what I do when change and growth is inevitable (or desired) and maybe it helps you too.

1. I look at the feelings, accept the rollercoaster they create, which can be mix of all sorts from desperate, sad, curious, angry, furious, to hopeful, expectant, loving …whatever it is for you - to go through. And feeling them. If it's about putting your career upside down while starting your own business or getting in (or out) of a relationship....Hey, it is as it is, even if some moments will be tough and emotions are pulling you in all directions (sounds much easier than it is – I guarantee you though – you’ll survive and come out at the other end completely differently).
   
   
2. Being honest with myself (and others). Honesty can be bloody hard. And brutal. For ourselves and possibly others, when we share some hard thoughts or feelings. The truth is always easy when we know we or others agree – but incredibly challenging when we know it may create disappointment, anger or sadness. And those feelings can even happen to ourselves when we “own our story”, with all the good and the ugly....looking in the mirror and opening our eyes to what we see. Also liberating though….as we can finally accept all of what we are. It’s crucial to be able to progress, to change and to grow. Lying to ourselves will leave us stuck.
   
   
3. Letting go. Of people or situations. Nothing is permanent in life and things and people around us change. Not holding on to people, places and other things too tightly keeps us healthier – mentally and finally physically as well. Letting go of attachment allows us to go through life easier and lighter. And we make room for new things when we let the old go.
   
   
4. Trusting that this is part of my journey – even if I don’t like the possibly really uncomfortable situation and process of change I’m in. Growth is not just joy and fun – sometimes changing and growing means that a part of our life or us is dying for something better to emerge. Maybe it's time for the old ways or the old us to die.

I know – all of the above takes a massive amount of courage. One of my words for the year in 2019.

And may you find the courage when you feel the niggle that it’s time for a change. Life’s too short to waste our time.

You don't have to walk alone

You’ll know when you’re ready.

When the longing is there and when your soul starts holding up the billboards with a clear message you might have ignored for quite some time when it was just coming as smaller signs.

And when you are, look for help. As nobody has to do that completely on their own. Your family, trusted people around you. Or someone from outside. Who can help you in the moments when you need the courage most and it’s hard to muster it up. Or when you’re in danger of falling on your path.

So, tell me something my friend – are you happy in this world – or do you need more, is there something you’re searching for?