Relationship Idea #4: Everyone has struggles we don't know about
Jun 24, 2021
In the past, when people shouted at me, shut down, or were getting very defensive, I got really furious. Or frustrated. And took it personally. Almost always.
And believed that there was absolutely no reason for their behaviour.
What I simply couldn't see back then was THAT EVERY PERSON HAS THEIR OWN STRUGGLES.
Maybe the colleague (or your partner at home) has experienced things that traumatized them, or it might be a childhood trauma that still sticks with them. Maybe they had or have a difficult situation that now triggers habitual responses.
Which makes them less attentive. Less focused and maybe even absent-minded. Or even rude, dismissive or aggressive in a conversation or interaction.
"Not my problem", you could say.
And yes, in a way, you're right.
While it's not your responsibility how someone reacts, it could impact your relationship drastically.
Whatever it is - a be a big deal for the other person, or maybe it's just an emotional hangover, EVERYONE HAS A RIGHT TO THEIR OWN FEELINGS. Yes, even in business.
And if this relationship is important to you - you could be part of the solution.
It helps us and the relationship to remind ourselves that people carry things.
ALL OF US. Including you and me.
This reminder always helps me to be more compassionate. It allows me to open my heart to the other person. And maybe to listen and ask questions - sometimes that's all that it takes.
It helps me to remember that the behaviour of the other person is THEIR responsibility and has nothing to do with me. Thus I can avoid taking things (too) personally and deal with the situation better.
YOU MIGHT DISAGREE WITH THAT (the responsibility bit). If so, please let me know - happy to discuss it!), but we might be able to support them to act differently (remember - leaders are also coaches.
PS: This does NOT give people the permission to behave like a***holes, of course. As usual, it's a balance & - it's not an excuse per se.
#leadership #relationships #womenexecutives #womenempowerment
