Claudia's Radical (Self) Leadership Blog

Ask YOUR question here and get it answered in my blog ... or personally

39 Things I wish I'd Known Earlier for More Peace, Success & Ease

career lessons learned ny personal leadership relationships wisdom Jan 05, 2024

End of last year I turned 59. And during the last couple of years my learning  journey even accelerated and looking back where I was 10 years ago it seems to be a different life!

I was in a different country than today.
I had a completely different business (which I was tired of already at that point). 
I had just started another (romantic) relationship (in which I repeated some patterns which I only noticed some years ago).
One of my children was still in school.
I often worried - about money, my kids, life! 

Sharing - the chance for a shortcut?

Meanwhile I run a business I love, I have a much healthier relationship with money, my level of worries has decreased by at least 70%, my relationship ended which hurt a lot and allowed me to learn  A LOT of what I have summarized below.

And I'm grateful for every thing I learned  - or unlearned - as it brought me to this place where I am today. 

On top, I met a bunch of wonderful women  - all around my age - and in our regular calls we often state how wonderful it would have been, had we known those things or had these lessons earlier. We even started a podcast together to share our life lessons with women Aged To Perfection (50plus) ;-). 

Maybe we had to go through all the challenges and experiences to get to the place in life we enjoy fully and where we feel alive, free and at peace. Or at least more and more - don't believe for a second that this is a place where we "arrive" for good - it's rather a never ending journey (well -until we actually die). 

I still believe that it can be beneficial for others to share our personal learning to create a shortcut without having to go through all the pains ourselves - one of the reasons I started my coaching business.

I wish I had known all of that earlier - gosh could have that prevented worries, stress, pain, grief and lots of difficult situations! 

I wrote those 39 things down in 30 minutes. Well, 38 - one sprang to mind when I spoke to my daughter today. For me, a sign how obvious and present those factors are in my life today. Well, most of the time ;.). 

And probably - when I was to sit down and ponder more about it, I could possibly come up with another 30 or so - particularly when going a bit deeper into the different areas of life. 

Those here can be applied in the most important (for me) areas of life:

- Career
- Love
- Family 

 

So - let's start - 39 things I wished I knew earlier in my life

  1. That emotional intelligence and awareness are at least as important as my intellect. 
  2. That emotions live in the body and that, when unattended and not processed they create havoc in the body and mind. 
  3. That almost everybody carries unresolved trauma (even generational) and that I have the power to deal with it.
  4. That my intellect is not enough to deal with tough situations in my life. Not even in business.
  5. That breathing (in the right way) is the most effective and quickest "tool" to deal with stress and overwhelm.
  6. That balance (the infamous work/life) is BS and there is only a life balance. And it can be totally thrown over on days or whole weeks…it's something to be looked at long-term - not daily. Otherwise, it only creates more stress.
  7. That most "tools", courses and advice do not work if I don't know myself extremely well and explore who I really am (for the spiritual among you: before I don't heal).
  8. That I'm not the "maker" of my children - only the one who allows them to develop based on their character (which they already bring into this world), their desires, and their decisions. Even if I don't like what I see. My influence is limited. 
  9. Money is important and presents a certain level of freedom. It never replaces inner peace, it doesn't eliminate worries in other parts of life and it doesn't deliver love. 
  10. That we never "arrive". If we choose, we can grow all our lives, and find new depths and experience epiphanies forever. And - it can be enjoyable - at least in terms of the results ;-). Admittedly, sometimes it hurts like hell.
  11. That nothing is guaranteed and permanent. A career, love, happiness. Everything's in the flow and can change.
  12. That surrender (not to confuse with giving up or in) to what is makes my life MUCH easier than permanently fighting against things I don't like. I can still take action to improve what I don't appreciate (unless it's out of my circle of influence - then it's a waste of energy).
  13. That suffering is optional - and if it occurs, it tends to be temporary. As it's my thoughts creating the suffering - hardly ever the situation itself.
  14. That inner peace is the most important feeling to aspire to. Great things can happen from that place.
  15. That I am radically responsible for my healing, my growth, my happiness, my behaviour, my emotions. No one else (even if others may contribute). Ouch - that was a tough one. 
  16. That aligning mind, body and soul is extremely powerful and easier than I thought. 
  17. I can't resolve or heal what I don't know. Meaning I require others to sort through my "stuff". Well, unless we have numerous lives ;-). It requires good friends, people who mean well or professional help to accelerate coming to a state that is enjoyable…and peaceful. 
  18. That rushing through life and becoming faster is not the answer but only makes me more anxious and stressed. Often slower is so much better. Funnily it still results in most things being done anyway. 
  19. That relationships are the most important part of my life. Not necessarily (just) family. But also those people who really care about me and I care about. Friends, lovers, partners. Priceless. 
  20. That I'm not "as I am". I can change most of me. Particularly my behaviour. It's not written in anyone's DNA that they are a jerk or a wallflower. 
  21. That healthy food, mobility and muscles are crucial to ageing well - not just in terms of looks but in terms of feeling alive and being able to do things.
  22. That I can be a badass running my business and still soft in other parts of my life. 
  23. That knowledge, a position or education is not enough to lead or do a good job, nor is love enough to have a great romantic relationship.
  24. That theoretical knowledge can never keep up with experiences and practice. 
  25. That without a clear direction in life, we can waste years or even decades moving in circles. 
  26. That true confidence does not come from achievements or success. It can help, but it's not the source.
  27. That communication determines the quality of my relationships - not the other way around. And that listening is the most crucial part - not talking.
  28. That it's o.k. to NOT have a straight CV. Companies that insist on that will not be there for much longer.
  29. That pivoting from a (career) path that no longer serves me or getting out of relationships that harm me more than help me is totally o.k.
  30. That my self-worth and my position/job/productivity are not related - unless I make it so.
  31. That vulnerability is strength, not weakness.
  32. That it's o.k. to be tired and worn out sometimes. That doesn't make me a failure or incapable.
  33. That self-care is not selfish.
  34. That I rather feel guilty (for doing or not doing something) than resentful.
  35. That leading myself is the prerequisite to leading others (be it a team or children (as a parent you ARE a leader)) successfully and sustainably. 
  36. That older age is something to be grateful for, even while some aspects can be scary or uncomfortable to accept . Best case, it comes with some wisdom, more joy and possibilities. 
  37. That women and men are equal - but not the same. 
  38. It's o.k. to quit sometimes. Projects, people, companies, jobs. As things or the environment, people or the market change. Doesn't make you a quitter.
  39. That I'm powerful beyond my wildest imagination (and so are you). So far, I've identified 7 major powers (to be really tangible and not just inspirational…the latter often doesn't do the job in real life). Which does not mean that I can control everything but clearly how I respond to it or deal with it. 

 PS: Want to dive deeper into your personal journey to yourself, your desired career (and life), then just get in touch and let's talk what's missing for you to get there. A quick e-mail to [email protected] and I'll get back to you with options. 

Get all your questions answered 

(no worries, this stays completely anonymous...just making sure the blog is relevant for YOU)